Across the U.S., American teenagers have the right to drive cars, get jobs, consent to sex, and seek healthcare—all without the permission or oversight of a parent. In Family Court however, there is often no distinction between a 17-year-old and a 7-year-old, as youth under 18 are silenced in custody and domestic violence hearings in nearly every state.

In cases involving disputed child abuse allegations against a parent, the muzzling of youth in Family Court means that the ones most equipped to untangle allegations from denials, are the only ones who are not allowed to speak.

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Georgia remains the only state in the Union that explicitly codifies the rights of youth under 18 to be heard in Family Court during custody disputes and residential schedule hearings. According to Georgia law, youth 14 or older have the right to select the parent they want to live with, “unless the parent so selected is determined not to be in the best interests of the child.” From ages 11 - 13, judges “shall consider the desires and educational needs of the child in determining which parent shall have custody.”

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In cases of domestic violence between parents, Georgia Superior Court Rule 24.5B states that minor children of the parties are not permitted to give oral testimony as witnesses to the DV. However, if child custody is in dispute in cases involving DV, then children under 18 can be asked to consult with the court. “At any such consultation, attorneys for both parties may be in attendance but shall not interrogate such child/children except by express permission from the court. Upon request, the proceedings in chambers shall be recorded.”

In almost all other states, youth under 18 are not allowed to testify or submit written declarations in any Family Court matters and their custody preferences are disregarded. In fact, in states like Washington, youth are not even allowed to be present in the courtroom for the Family Court hearings that determine nearly every aspect of their lives—from where they sleep at night, to which parent decides where and if they attend school.

In this Reporter Q&A, The Family Court Report founder Kristin Leong joins our 2023-24 Reporting Fellow Jinie Chon in exploring the inconsistencies of legal age laws in the U.S. from California to Florida, while imagining what it will take to reform our justice system to protect families and empower youth voices.

Do you have questions about Family Court for Jinie’s next Q&A? Ideas for a collaboration? Just want to send us a love letter? Feel free to comment below, reply to this email if it landed in your inbox (we see and appreciate you, Subscribers 💜), or send us a note to kristin@familycourtreport.org.

Further reading: This 2019 study published by the National Library of Medicine found that cognitive capacity reaches adult levels by age 16. ⬛

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential support and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Over here at The Family Court Report we have been BUSY. We have a new website - FamilyCourtReport.org - and, drumroll please…our small but mighty team has grown to TWO.

I am thrilled to announce that Jinie Chon is our 2023-24 Reporting Fellow. Please join me in offering her the warmest of welcomes!

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Jinie will be pitching and reporting stories through a diversity, equity, and inclusion lens on all things Family Court. She will also be working alongside me to invite our FCR community of readers, protective parents, youth, Family Court professionals, and policy advocates to join us in these complex conversations.

To kick off these engagements, Jinie will be joining me for a behind-the-scenes look at her reporting and the future of The Family Court Report. Video coming soon! If you have a question for Jinie, you can leave it in the comments below or email it to thefamilycourtreport@gmail.com. Remember to include your name and where you’re located. Your question might be included in the video.

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Jinie is a second-year honors student at the University of Washington. She is double majoring in law and philosophy with a specialization in ethics. Previously, Jinie was a researcher with the UW Evans School for Public Policy and Governance where she designed experiments around social psychology, stigmatized identities, and DEI initiatives in public institutions.

In addition to her role with FCR, Jinie is also currently an intern with the Washington State Human Rights Commissioner, a council member of the UW College of Arts & Science Dean Advisory Board, and a Citizenship Practice Interviewer for first-generation immigrants with Literacy Source. Originally from South Korea, Jinie now lives in Seattle where she enjoys museum visits, reading, and travel planning.

Jinie and I sat down recently and talked about legal access, the ethics of Artificial Intelligence, and acceptable pizza toppings. You can find highlights from our conversation below.

FCR: Ensuring that understanding laws and making sure legal processes are accessible fuels much of your work. Why does accessibility matter? Where did this passion come from?

JC: My passion for this issue stems from personal experiences, especially as a first-generation immigrant. Witnessing the challenges my family faced navigating unfamiliar legal systems ignited a deep-seated commitment to breaking down barriers.

I believe strongly in democratizing legal knowledge by making laws accessible to all regardless of the backgrounds people come from. I also believe in fostering a more equitable and inclusive society where everyone can comprehend and assert their legal rights.

Accessibility matters because the law applies to everyone. Ensuring understanding and access to and understanding of legal processes is necessary to build a just society.

FCR: You're double majoring in law and philosophy with a specialization in ethics. Where do you see law and philosophy overlapping or complementing each other? Why ethics? 

JC: I believe that law and philosophy share a symbiotic relationship, mutually informing and enhancing each other. The combination of law and philosophy provides a more comprehensive picture of the legal system but also its impact on everyday people in the community. Having a foundation in philosophy enables me to engage in important ethical discussions within legal practice and advocate for reforms in law.

For instance, when engaging in conversations about new technology such as Artificial Intelligence, I am able to analyze issues from both legal and ethical viewpoints. Legally, AI introduces questions of privacy rights, employment laws, potential liability issues, and more. Ethically speaking, the introduction of AI introduces questions about the moral implications of automated decision-making, the potential for bias in algorithms, and the broader societal impact on employment and human dignity and agency.

In this way, the combination of law and philosophy enriches the understanding of any societal issues, allowing for a more comprehensive and socially, and ethically conscious approach to law and public policy.

FCR: You previously conducted research with the UW Evans School for Public Policy and Governance where you designed experiments around social psychology, stigmatized identities, and DEI initiatives in public institutions. Is there an experience from that work that stands out to you in terms of shaping your vision for the work you want to focus on moving forward?

JC: My research at the UW Evans School was a truly transformative experience. A memorable experience for me was designing a study that examined the effects of Confederate memorabilia on Black and White American voters. This study demonstrated the intricate dynamics of symbols in influencing voter perceptions and highlighted the need for nuanced discussions around historical symbols in contemporary contexts.

The data collected from the study suggested that both White and Black voters felt a decreased sense of comfort in response to Confederate memorabilia. However, there was no change in voting intentions or perceived value of vote for White voters. In contrast, Black voters felt less inclined to vote, felt their vote was less valued, and even expressed a desire to vote at another location.

The conclusions drawn from this study motivate me to continue exploring the intersection of symbols, identity, and public perception in my future research.

FCR: Who are your role models? 

JC: My role models in the law and justice space are ordinary individuals who actively participate in the legal system, as their journeys underscore the inherent difficulties in navigating complex legal processes. These unsung heroes face challenges such as financial constraints, lack of resources, and sometimes, systemic barriers. Yet, their perseverance in seeking justice, often against formidable odds, serves as a powerful reminder of the resilience within communities. I find inspiration in their determination and commitment, recognizing the profound impact of their everyday efforts on the pursuit of fairness and equity.

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FCR: What's something unexpected about you that your academic and professional colleagues might be surprised to learn about you? 

JC: Colleagues might be surprised to learn that I have a passion for traveling and interacting with new people and places. Amid my academic and professional pursuits, exploring new places and immersing myself in different cultures is a source of joy and inspiration. It adds a dimension to my life that complements the more structured and formal aspects of my work, revealing a side that appreciates spontaneity and the richness of diverse experiences.

FCR: If you could make any food combination illegal, what would it be and why? 

JC: It would be pizza with pineapple (or any fruit besides tomato). I know it’s a hot take - the debate over whether pineapple belongs on pizza has been sparking intense culinary conversations. However, I strongly dislike the taste of warm fruit, especially coupled with savory food like pizza. ⬛

A couple weeks ago I did my best to crush down my imposter syndrome and social awkwardness and I returned to my favorite city of brisk-walkers and direct-talkers for Creative Capital’s 2023 Carnival.

The three-day NYC gathering brought together our cohort of Wild Futures awardees with patrons and curators to celebrate disruptive art, big plans, and curious cocktails.

One of the most surreal moments of the trip (there were a lot of them), was seeing The Family Court Report debuted at the Lower East Side’s beautiful Metrograph theater alongside 49 other groundbreaking projects focused on technology, performing arts, and literature.

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Below you’ll find FCR’s 2 minute video that was shared at the Carnival, as well as pics from the whirlwind trip. All photos are by me.

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Family Courts are broken around the world.

Last month on April 13, the UN presented an extensive report addressing “the link between custody cases, violence against women and violence against children, with a focus on the abuse of the term ‘parental alienation’ and similar pseudo-concepts.” The global investigation was led by Reem Alsalem, the UN’s Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls.

The complete report can be read here: Custody, violence against women and violence against children. Here are some main takeaways.

Dismissal of domestic violence is systemic.

The international report opens by underscoring two alarming observations.

First, that there is a “pattern of ignoring intimate partner violence against women in determining custody cases.”

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In other words, men who abuse their wives still have a solid shot at getting custody of their kids, as Courts continue to refuse to acknowledge what healthcare providers and scholars have long asserted—that abusive spouses are far more likely to be abusive parents.

The second concern the report points to is the “tendency to dismiss the history of domestic violence and abuse in custody cases extends to cases where mothers and/or children themselves have brought forward credible allegations of physical or sexual abuse.”

This observation mirrors the conclusions of the 2019 study that examined over 2,000 custody rulings in cases involving domestic violence in the U.S., that FCR shared last month.

That George Washington University report found that in 14% of cases, American Family Courts switched child custody from the mother to the father even though the Court had confirmed the mother’s allegations of abuse. In contrast, in cases where the mother was proven to be abusive, fathers retained custody 100% of the time.

The myth of “parental alienation” is a weapon.

Throughout this report, the theory of parental alienation is referred to as a “pseudo-concept.” Psychologist Richard Gardner coined the controversial term “parental alienation” in the 1980’s to refer to the malicious strategy where one parent unjustly manipulates a child against the other parent during a custody dispute.

“Parental alienation syndrome” has been debunked and rejected by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the World Health Organization, the UN, and countless other scientific communities for lacking proper peer review, Gardner’s minimizing of sexual abuse, and other glaring problems. However, this report finds that in Family Courts around the world, parental alienation continues to be used as a defense and distraction from credible evidence of domestic violence and sexual abuse.

This report also notes that the use of parental alienation points to clear gender bias, as mothers are overwhelmingly accused of using this strategy against fathers, most often in cases where abuse allegations against fathers are present. Once asserted, mothers have little recourse to protect children, as any continued insistence on a need for protections further paint her as trying to “alienate” the child from the father.

Per Alsalem, page 4, section 17:

“The use of parental alienation tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. As soon as parents are judged as being “alienating,” “implacable” or “failing to listen”, their actions or inaction can be prejudiced. As a result, allegations of domestic violence remain side-lined as a one-off occurrence. This reduces domestic violence to a minor conflict and stigmatizes and pathologizes women and children.”

The report estimates that 58,000 children in the U.S. are “placed in dangerous home environments” due to mothers losing custody following parental alienation accusations.

One such child was Om Moses Ghandi. The 16-year-old was killed by his father last Saturday, the day before Mother’s Day. His mother, Leah Moses, had been fighting for her son’s safety from his abusive father for over 15 years. After Moses was accused of parental alienation in response to her abuse allegations, the boy’s father was granted full custody of their son.

Family Court abuses are intersectional.

Stereotypes about race and class are exacerbating inequities in Family Courts around the globe. And while migrant mothers and other women with multiple identity markers from communities that have been historically disadvantaged are especially at risk, educated women of privilege are also being discriminated against. It’s a no-win situation for all kinds of mothers everywhere.

Per Alsalem, page 10, section 44:

“In Portugal, while migrant women are labelled as parent alienators, educated women are seen as not fitting into the mainstream image of victims of domestic violence. In Austria and Japan, migrant mothers are at a particular disadvantage owing to language barriers and vulnerable immigration status. In the United Kingdom, intersecting vulnerabilities along lines of race, disability, immigration status and sexuality compound thedifficulties women face when experiencing domestic violence in child custody cases. Mothers in structurally disadvantaged positions are more likely to have their children removed or their parenting capacities judged harshly. In New Zealand, Maori women are more likely to report the involvement of the child protection agency in family court proceedings than non-Maori women.”

A clear call to action.

As alarming as this report is, there’s also something sadly reassuring about it—for those of us who have been screaming into the wind while fighting for our children through these broken systems, it’s a reminder that we’re not alone. Protective parents all over the world, and in fact, the United Nations, are working together to call for change. The report concludes with a clear pathway for progress.

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The 19-point list of recommendations from the the Special Rapporteur includes:

(a) States legislate to prohibit the use of parental alienation or related pseudoconcepts in family law cases and the use of so-called experts in parental alienation and related pseudo-concepts;

(b) States comply with their responsibilities and positive obligations under international human rights law by establishing regular monitoring mechanisms to oversee the effectiveness of family justice systems for victims of domestic abuse;

(c) States ensure mandatory training of the judiciary and other justice system professionals on gender bias, the dynamics of domestic violence and the relationship between allegations of domestic abuse and of parental alienation and related pseudoconcepts;

(d) States issue and implement specific guidance to the judiciary on the need to examine each case on the basis of facts and to judge fairly, according to the range of evidence before them, what outcome best supports the welfare of the child;

(e) States institute publicly funded systems of experts to provide information to courts on the best interest of the child and such experts be regularly trained on the dynamics of domestic violence and its effect on victims, including children;

(f) States ensure and maintain a list of approved experts for the family law system and introduce a formal complaint mechanism and an enforceable code of practice that addresses conflicts of interest and the recognition of expertise to practise in this area;

(g) No evaluations be made in family law proceedings without consideration of relevant criminal law and/or child protection proceedings;

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(h) Any allegations or evidence of domestic and sexual abuse by both adult and child victims be clearly referred to in evaluations and, if access or custody is recommended, a full explanation be provided as to why such allegations or evidence be included;

(i) States issue guidance to the judiciary on when experts should be used outside of publicly funded systems in family law cases and ensure that experts employed are qualified and professionally regulated;

(j) Training be provided on a mandatory basis for all family justice professionals on the relationship between allegations of parental alienation and domestic violence and sexual abuse; such training should also be provided to combat gender stereotyping and ensure understanding of the legal standards on violence against women and children in this regard;

(k) The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of Child Abduction be revised to better protect abused women and their children by allowing a stronger defence against return if there is family and domestic violence, incorporating an understanding that a child’s return order may compel an abuse survivor to return to violence and harm, and that courts with jurisdiction under the Convention be required to consider family and domestic violence when interpreting and applying its provisions;

(l) The use of “reunification camps” for children as part of any outcome in legal proceedings be prohibited;

(m) States ensure that children are legally represented separately in all contested family law proceedings;

(n) States ensure that independent inquiries are established on the use of the pseudo-concept of parental alienation and its iterations, where appropriate;

(o) States ensure that that the views of the child are sufficiently and independently represented in family law procedures and, where possible, children be able to participate in such proceedings, according to their age, maturity and A/HRC/53/36 20 GE.23-06229 understanding and all safeguards and obligations contained in the Convention on the Rights of the Child should be used;198

(p) All agencies and elements of the justice system, statutory services and the domestic abuse sector work together rather than in silos and adequate coordination between the criminal, child protection and family law systems be ensured either by mandatory institutional cooperation mechanisms or the use of integrated court structures;

(q) Wider availability of legal aid in family law proceedings for all parties be made available to ensure equality of arms;

(r) Disaggregated data be collected, including on the prevalence of domestic abuse in family law cases and characteristics of applicants and respondents in such cases, including gender, race, sex, religion, disability and sexual orientation;

(s) States introduce monitoring mechanisms to assess the specific impact of policies and procedures relating to family justice on marginalized groups of women. ⬛

Read the complete report from the United Nations here:

Alsalem, R. (2023). Custody, violence against women and violence against children. United Nations. https://documents-dds-ny.un.org/doc/UNDOC/GEN/G23/070/18/PDF/G2307018.pdf?OpenElement

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

A judge concluded the children were victims of “parental alienation,” which continues to influence family courts despite being rejected by mainstream scientific groups, and authorized police to use “reasonable force” to remove them from their mother.

By Hannah Dreyfus

⚠️ : This story describes in detail the sexual abuse of children.

Two siblings in Utah have barricaded themselves in a bedroom at their mother’s home in defiance of a judge’s order to return to the custody of their father, despite state child welfare investigators determining that he had sexually abused the children.

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The judge has authorized police to use “reasonable force” — including entry into locked rooms — against Brynlee Larson, 12, and Ty Larson, 15. Ty has spent the last month livestreaming on TikTok to call attention to their case.

The showdown is the fallout from the latest family court battle over “parental alienation” — a disputed psychological theory in which one parent is accused of brainwashing a child to turn them against the other parent.

“My own word does not matter, and they don’t believe my truth,” Ty said in a video posted to TikTok last month that received more than 370,000 views. “The court system isn’t trying to save us, nobody’s trying to keep us safe. I am the one that’s going to have to choose my own safety.”

Police visited the home in December and attempted to remove the siblings but decided not to break down the door despite the father’s request that they do so, according to police reports. Given the “potentially combustible situation,” officers have asked for clarification from the court before carrying out Judge Derek P. Pullan’s order, according to court records.

In 2018, Utah’s Division of Child and Family Services found that the father, Brent Joel Larson, had sexually and emotionally abused his children. Investigators categorized the abuse as “severe & chronic.” The findings led to Larson’s parenting time being restricted to a handful of supervised monthly visits, as well as a 150-day restraining order that prohibited him from having any other contact with the children.

This month, the Salt Lake County District Attorney’s office said there is an ongoing criminal investigation into Larson related to new allegations against him, according to an office spokesperson who declined to comment further. A previous criminal investigation stalled in February 2021, when prosecutors determined they did not have enough evidence to lead to a probable conviction.

Two Utah police departments, Herriman and Lone Peak, are investigating Larson for child abuse, according to spokespersons for the departments.

Larson, through his attorney Ron Wilkinson, disputed the 2018 finding that he had abused the children.

In response to the new allegations, Wilkinson said in a statement: “There have been similar false claims — repeatedly, for years. The stories continue to change and expand each time — always about the same events.”

Larson has accused the children’s mother, Jessica Zahrt, of sabotaging his relationship with Ty and Brynlee through a campaign of “parental alienation.”

Mainstream scientific groups, including the American Psychiatric Association, which compiles the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and the World Health Organization, which publishes the International Classification of Diseases list, have rejected the theory and said it is not a legitimate diagnosis. It has also been shunned by the National Center for Juvenile Justice for failing to meet court evidentiary standards.

That has not stopped some courts across the country from recognizing parental alienation and mandating treatments to reverse it.

In a January order, Pullan found Zahrt's “campaign” of parental alienation to be the cause of the children’s “abuse narrative” and ordered that Ty and Brynlee undergo “reunification therapy” at an out-of-state facility to address the alleged harm. Pullan also determined that switching custody to their father is the “only way to recover the children from this psychological battlefield.”

Despite ordering the children placed back in their father’s legal custody, Pullan prohibited Larson from having unsupervised parenting time with the children or spending overnights with them, instead ordering Ty and Brynlee to be separately housed at their paternal relatives’ homes pending further court orders.

“The children are being maltreated by their mother. It is heartbreaking,” Wilkinson, Larson’s attorney, told ProPublica. “All that is hoped for is that the children can recover from the damage their mother has inflicted upon them.”

Ty said the claim that their mother is brainwashing them to disclose abuse is “100% fake — and if you don’t see that you’re as blind as a bat.”

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Zahrt said since she and Larson split in 2012, she has supported her children having a healthy relationship with their father.

The Utah Attorney General’s office has received a slew of complaints about the court order and pleas for authorities to intervene, mostly from people who have learned about the case on social media, public records show. Last week, about 50 people, including advocates for family court reform, gathered at the Utah Capitol to protest the court’s handling of the case.

A court spokesperson said Pullan is prohibited from commenting on the case. “I know Judge Pullan spent many, many hours going through evidence and testimony before he made his ruling,” the spokesperson told ProPublica in an email.

Ty spoke to ProPublica from his barricaded bedroom with his TikTok livestream on but his mic muted. Brynlee sat nearby on a futon mattress eating ramen that she prepared using hot water from a bathroom sink. To access the bathroom without entering the hallway, Ty said, he used a drill to cut a hole in the wall without telling his mother.

“I’m scared for my life,” the teen told ProPublica, who left school in December to avoid being forced into his father’s custody. Ty told child welfare investigators in 2018 that his father had threatened him by saying, if he told anyone about the abuse “he would kill his mother and sister.”

Larson, through his attorney, denied the allegation and described the claim as “inconsistent with prior claims.”

Brynlee, who has also left school to avoid returning to her father, said the court is “controlling my life.” “I could be in the middle of playing with my friends right now,” she said.

In the order to remove the children from their mother’s home, Pullan wrote, “The children do labor under the misperception that they are in the driver’s seat and are free to determine when, where, and on what terms parent-time will occur. They are not.”

The judge criticized Zahrt for continuing to “wash the children’s clothes and to bring food to the barricaded room” because it enabled their continued rejection of their father.

Zahrt said the children would starve if she didn’t bring them food.

Pullan, citing the opinion of a court-ordered reunification therapist, chastised Zahrt for weaponizing the children in a “social media campaign aimed at achieving her desired end” and found her in contempt of court for failing to facilitate her ex-husband’s visitation on one occasion. Pullan ordered Zahrt to be jailed for five days, but will allow the contempt filing to be purged if she participates in a high-conflict parenting course.

Dr. David Corwin, a professor and director of pediatric forensic services at the University of Utah and the past president of the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children, said parental alienation — which he described as “an ideology that is not based upon adequate research” — is too often an “easy sell” to courts seeking an alternative explanation for abuse claims.

“It really is one of the best defenses against accusations of sexual abuse,” said Corwin, who co-authored a position statement for his society in January warning professionals against its use in child custody decision-making. “Claiming that a child has been programmed or coached by the other parents creates enough uncertainty for a court to believe the easier narrative: that a parent would lie, rather than that a parent would sexually abuse a child.”

Larson first accused Zahrt of parental alienation a few months after Brynlee accused her father of sexually abusing her in May 2018. Zahrt said when she heard the phrase “parental alienation,” she had to look it up. “I literally had to wrap my brain around what I was even being accused of,” she told ProPublica. “I’ve watched them create this story about me, and it doesn’t matter what the truth really is.”

The so-called reunification camp that Ty and Brynlee have been ordered to attend with their father, Turning Points for Families, is run by Linda Gottlieb, a New York-based social worker who markets her program as a “therapeutic vacation.”

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Gottlieb’s services include taking the children to an undisclosed location for a four-day “sequestration period.” During treatment, the children meet with the “unjustifiably rejected” parent. Afterward, they remain in the alienated parent’s custody for 90 days and are prohibited from having contact with the other parent or related family members.

In an interview with ProPublica, Gottlieb said she is dismayed at how social media is being used to attack her program and others like it.

“We can’t have what happened in Utah happen again,” said Gottlieb, who said she will be requesting that courts that refer minors to her program issue orders prohibiting parents and children who resist from speaking publicly about their cases.

In his January ruling, Pullan postponed enforcing his order for the siblings to attend Turning Points and said a hearing might be necessary first.

Pullan’s rulings did not mention the 2018 DCFS findings that substantiated the children’s allegations of emotional and sexual abuse by their father.

Brynlee was 7 years old when she first began disclosing details of the abuse to her mother, according to state records. Zahrt reported her daughter’s claims to the local police department and DCSF, which opened a case. In subsequent forensic interviews, Brynlee told investigators that her father had penetrated her anus with his finger and touched her inappropriately, resulting in significant pain, according to child welfare records. She told a police detective that her father did not take her to a doctor when she complained about the pain. According to police reports, Larson expressed “shame” for not bringing her to the doctor. On April 3, 2018, DCFS found Brynlee’s allegations of sexual abuse against Larson to be “supported.”

In November 2018, Ty, then 11, disclosed that his father was emotionally and sexually abusing him, after his mother brought him to the pediatrician for severe anxiety and panic attacks, according to child welfare reports. He disclosed that when he was about 4 years old, his father held his head under water in the bathtub while running the faucet in his anus until he couldn’t breathe. He reported that around age 7 his father put soap and a water gun in his anus while he was in the shower. Around age 8, he said, several times a month his father would come into his room and touch his penis while he was asleep. He said that when he confronted his father about it his father threatened to kill his mom and family if he told them about the abuse. On Nov. 29, 2018, DCFS found Ty’s allegations of sexual and emotional abuse against Larson to be “supported.”

Records show police corroborated DCFS’ findings, but did not arrest the father. Police records do not explain why, and the department would not comment further.

According to child welfare reports, two other minors who are connected to Larson also alleged he sexually abused them. A DCFS investigation found those accusations “unsupported.” In April 2018, the children’s mother petitioned the court for an ex parte child protective order against Larson.

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Larson, via his attorney, told ProPublica that “these years-old claims have previously been addressed.”

Michelle Jones, a reunification therapist appointed by the court to work with Ty and Brynlee, told ProPublica that the children’s allegations of abuse are a “false narrative.” Asked about state welfare workers finding chronic and severe sexual abuse, Jones said “sometimes they accidently make a substantiation.”

She declined to detail how she reached that conclusion, citing therapist-patient confidentiality.

Jones’ conclusions were contradicted by a forensic psychologist hired by both parents in 2019 to evaluate the case. Monica D. Christy, who holds a Ph.D. in development and clinical psychology, wrote in a report that “at the very least” she found Larson’s behavior to be “unusual and inappropriate.” “Whether or not these were sexually-motivated actions and constitute child sexual abuse is for the Court to decide,” she wrote. Christy did not respond to ProPublica’s request for comment.

Jones told ProPublica she is frequently appointed by the court to advise on cases involving abuse allegations. She is also a vocal defender of parental alienation and presents on the subject at national conferences. A slide from a 2013 presentation Jones gave depicts a mother speaking to a child, “Now that we falsely accused Daddy in Family Court, we can have ice cream for supper, play video games and go to the park all day, and wait for the support checks to roll in!”

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Daniel Eyre, a guardian ad litem assigned by the court to represent Ty and Brynlee’s interests in the case, also found parental alienation to be the cause of the children’s claims of abuse and supported sending them to the reunification camp. Eyre declined to speak with ProPublica.

Some defenders of parental alienation claim an absence of abuse or neglect is necessary for the diagnosis, but others, including Gottlieb and Jones, accept cases involving allegations of abuse, including when abuse has been substantiated by authorities, like in the Larson case.

Gottlieb said determining child abuse has occurred is the responsibility of the courts.

“Turning Points only accepts cases by court order,” said Gottlieb, adding that demand from courts has prompted her to scale up operations and open two new locations in Texas and California. “The court had to have already made the determination that the child is safe with the alienated parent and that abuse didn’t occur — or that it was so long ago, it was remediated.”

Ty partially attributes the court’s decision to delay sending him and Brynlee to Turning Points to his online activism. He livestreams around the clock, including while he sleeps. He calls the followers who “stand guard” while he sleeps his “dream catchers.”

“I know this is happening to so many kids,” Ty said. “What separates me is that I have hundreds of people watching.” ⬛

Correction: Feb. 27, 2023: This story originally misspelled the last name of the mother of the barricaded siblings. She is Jessica Zahrt, not Zhart.

Mollie Simon and Mariam Elba contributed research.

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

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Since 2008, over 900 children have been killed by a parent going through a divorce or separation.

In states across the U.S., Family Court judges and evaluators do not have mandatory—or sometimes any—training on domestic violence.

Only three states in the U.S. have passed coercive control legislation that codifies a comprehensive definition of domestic violence. (Five states have bills pending.)

A 2019 George Washington University study of over 2,000 court rulings on child custody cases involving domestic violence found that only 36% of child abuse claims by mothers were credited by the courts. Of those 36% of cases, 1.4 in 10 abusive fathers were granted custody of children despite confirmed abuse.

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The Family Court system is broken.

I know this brokenness firsthand. I’ve been fighting for safety and justice for my son and myself through this system for over a decade.

I started this fight as a single parent and nightclub bartender in the early 2000’s. Over the last 15 years, I’ve swam (swum??) in many other waters: Education, community organizing, journalism, to name a few.

While my learnings from this wayward professional path will serve me well as I launch into this next chapter with The Family Court Report, ultimately, it’s my experience as a mom that’s at the heart of this endeavor.

No work I’ve ever done has felt this meaningful or urgent to me. Here’s what’s coming.

What is The Family Court Report?

The Family Court Report is a multimedia platform that shares news and human stories from the front lines of America’s Family Court system.

We are also building a grassroots-fueled policy think tank to analyze current family court policies and laws while strategizing pathways for change.

The why

America’s Family Court system is failing to protect our most vulnerable caregivers and children due to systemic ignorance and dismissal of domestic violence. 

Exacerbating this crisis is the fact that even as domestic violence rates climb, there continues to be an alarming lack of coverage by mainstream media of the ways our Family Courts are enabling abuse, increasingly with tragic results.

The mission

As The Family Court Report (FCR) launches, we have three central objectives guiding our work.

1. To share rigorously reported news and analysis on America’s Family Court system.

As a news site, FCR aims to contribute to filling the current gap in coverage of issues facing our Family Courts. Reporting will be data-driven and presented through an equity and inclusion lens. Special attention will be paid to the disproportionate representation of mothers of color and families experiencing poverty who are trapped by our justice system. Coverage will also focus on the state-by-state development of new coercive control laws which aim to codify more comprehensive definitions of domestic violence.

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2. To amplify the voices of caregivers and children who have been impacted by the Family Court system, especially the voices of domestic violence survivors.

As a personal narrative platform, FCR will prioritize passing the microphone to caregivers and youth who have firsthand experience fighting for safety and justice through our Family Courts. Stories from families of color, LGBTQ parents, families experiencing poverty, and others who are underrepresented in mainstream Family Court discourse will be actively sought out and supported.

3. To analyze current Family Court policies and laws while strategizing pathways for change.

As a think tank, FCR seeks to bring together diverse scholars, court professionals, and families who have been impacted by the justice system to examine current Family Court challenges and develop advocacy strategies for policies that will result in safer and more inclusive outcomes for all.

Our logo

At the center of The Family Court Report logo is the ʻōhiʻa lehua flower, a plant that is endemic to Hawai'i and steeped in the islands' history and legends.

Feathery ʻōhiʻa lehua flowers may seem delicate, but these plants are remarkably hardy and capable of thriving in extremely harsh conditions. These are often the first species to bring life back to dry, barren lava rock plains after a volcanic eruption. Extending its root system deep into cracks in the rocks, these trees with fire-colored blooms are a keystone species for Hawai'i's native ecosystem, providing essential infrastructure needed for the forest to regenerate. ʻŌhiʻa lehua trees can reach up to 100 feet tall and can live for over 1,000 years.

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In horrible news, due to a rapidly spreading fungal infestation with no known remedy, ʻōhiʻa lehua trees are currently facing serious threat. Hundreds of thousands of trees have already been lost since the infestation was first identified in 2014. Scientists, scholars, and local community members are working tirelessly to save the species.

The Family Court Report hopes that the ʻōhiʻa lehua flower serves as a symbol of resilience and resourcefulness for all who are fighting for safety and justice despite the bleak landscape of the Family Court system that enables abuse and silences survivors. The current collective efforts to save the ʻōhiʻa lehua trees is a nod to the grassroots reporting and advocacy that's gradually but steadily leading to much-needed change.

Is The Family Court Report on social media?

You bet. We're on Facebook @FamCourtReport where soon we’ll be sparking conversation and sharing news, essays, and links to fuel your cautious optimism.

Support

The Family Court Report is generously supported by a 2023 Creative Capital Wild Futures: Art, Culture, Impact Award.

Our work is also generously supported by our paid newsletter subscribers and all of our loyal readers who share our stories. 💜

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Hi UMA readers,

Today’s post is a personal one.

Last fall, when I found out I won the Creative Capital award that would make this longtime Family Court project dream a reality, my shock and excitement almost immediately gave way to dread.

There was one errand that this The Unwed Mother Agenda endeavor would require of me that I didn’t know if I could do: I would have to return to court and get a copy of my full Family Court case record.

I have been wanting to do this…needing to do this…avoiding doing this…have been terrified of doing this…literally physically ill even thinking about doing this…for years.

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That case record includes all of the motions, declarations, and hearings from the most vile parts of my life with my son—a horrible, seemingly endless legalese account of clawing through a broken system for so many years in order to try to protect us both from his biological father.

The exhibits alone are enough to make my throat close up and my heart break in half.

But I did it. The week before last, I put on my hard pants and tied back my hair, and with my wife Keri literally and symbolically carrying this very heavy load with me, I went back to the place that’s caused me more pain than any other place on earth, and I walked out the door with the monster that’s been relentlessly taunting me wrapped in giant rubber bands, contained—fully, completely, safely contained—in a 5,000 sheet printer paper box.

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Bless the staffers working the Copy Center desk that day who were so organized and generous with their tech help and form explanations—especially the tattooed Asian guy wearing chains with his black t-shirt, who boxed up all my papers so neatly and pretended not to notice I was crying. He said he’d been working at that court office since the 90’s, and that he was probably there when I came in before all those years ago. I was too overwhelmed then, but I could look for the helpers now, and there they were.

To this project’s recent supporters, I’m looking at you too. Those copies of my case files cost $625.45. Thank you so much. Your paid subscriptions are lightening this burden too, right along with Keri carrying that huge box down the street with me as we left the courthouse, triumphant.

For now, that box containing the hardest shit I’ve ever been though is sitting in the corner of my office with the lid on, far away from the sanctuary of my home, far away from my son. The next step, of course, will be to go through it all as I prepare to write my part of my story for The Unwed Mother Agenda.

In the meantime, I’ll be building back up everything that’s brave and illogical in me. Thank you to all of you who are along with me for this ride—especially Keri, forever and ever and ever. This is the hardest work I’ve ever done and there’s no way I could be doing it alone.

Here’s a glimpse into my day back at the courthouse, doing the thing I didn’t know if I could do. All photo credits go to my favorite Instagram Girlfriend, except for the last one. ⬛

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Family Courts are supposed to protect children.

However, gender-based stereotypes that paint moms as manipulators, and dads as alienated victims, appear to be biasing the system. The result? Custody rulings that endanger children in cases that involve not just alleged abuse, but official court findings of domestic violence too.

One groundbreaking study led by George Washington University Law School professor Joan S. Meier, points to staggeringly grim evidence that our justice system is silencing women and failing children, sometimes with deadly results.

The 2019 study, Child Custody Outcomes in Cases Involving Parental Alienation and Abuse Allegations, is fully available for free online. It is based on analysis of over 2,000 court rulings on child custody cases involving domestic violence across a 10-year period (Jan 2005 - Dec 2014).

As this study sought to understand any apparent gender-bias in Court practices and rulings, it only analyzed cases with heterosexual parents that included electronically available published opinions in child custody cases. The study was funded by the U.S. Department of Justice.

Here are a few standout findings.

Courts don’t believe mothers.

Of 2189 cases analyzed, 795 included abuse claims by mothers against fathers. Of these, Courts credited less than half of the abuse claims—only 36%.

Mothers are losing child custody to abusive fathers.

In 14% of cases (63/468), Family Courts switched child custody from the mother to the father even though the Court had confirmed the mother’s allegations of abuse by the father. In contrast, in cases where the mother was proven to be abusive, fathers retained custody 100% of the time.

While mothers did not lose custody in any of the cases (0/23) where a father had been found to have sexually abused his child, fathers were awarded custody in 1.4 out of every 10 cases despite that he had been found to have engaged in other kinds of abuse such as domestic violence and child physical abuse.

Claiming “alienation” is an effective strategy for abusive parents.

While the controversial theory of “Parental Alienation Syndrome” has been widely discredited and rejected by organizations such as the American Psychological Association and the American Medical Association, parents accused of abuse continue to use it as a effective defense in Family Court.

In this study, there were 669 cases where one parent made an “alienation” claim against the other. In 222 of these cases, mothers accused fathers of abuse, and then fathers claimed that the mother’s abuse claims were an attempt to alienate him from their child.

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In these cases of fathers cross-claiming alienation, courts were almost 4 times (3.9) more likely to dismiss mothers’ claims of child abuse compared to cases where no alienation claim was made.

In 44% of cases where fathers alleged alienation (166/380), mothers lost custody of their children. In contrast, only 28% of fathers lost custody (19/67) in cases where mothers alleged alienation.

“Guardians” favor fathers.

In custody cases, a guardian ad litem (GAL) is a court-appointed evaluator who is meant to represent the best interests of the child.

GALs have been criticized for lack of diversity and cultural competency; fraud; and, for at least one Colorado evaluator, for being a domestic abuser himself. Overall, the main criticism is that GALs lack sufficient training in domestic violence, and routinely discredit legitimate claims of abuse.

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Of the 2,189 cases analyzed, in 703 instances, children were assigned a GAL by the Court. In cases where mothers alleged abuse and there was no GAL assigned, her allegations were deemed credible 38% of the time. When a GAL was assigned to her child, that credibility rate dropped to 30%. In contrast, fathers’ rates of credibility were not significantly impacted by the presence of a GAL.

Most glaring of all, when a mother alleged child sexual abuse, she was HALF as likely to be credited if a GAL had been assigned—only 12% of sexual abuse claims were deemed credible in cases with a GAL, compared to 23% when a GAL was not present. The study notes that “custody evaluators lack expertise in child sexual abuse, indicating that their skepticism is not a product of greater knowledge.”

Explore the study in full here, and learn more about Professor Meier’s work through George Washington University’s National Family Violence Law Center. ⬛

Study citation: Meier, Joan S. and Dickson, Sean and O'Sullivan, Chris and Rosen, Leora and Hayes, Jeffrey, Child Custody Outcomes in Cases Involving Parental Alienation and Abuse Allegations (2019). GWU Law School Public Law Research Paper No. 2019-56; GWU Legal Studies Research Paper No. 2019-56. Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=3448062 or http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3448062

🔥 More from The UMA: Forcing children into fire: In Family Court, sharing custody with abusers wins

👍 Did you miss last week’s big news? Here it is: The Unwed Mother Agenda returns to Facebook

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Exciting news, fellow Olds!

After a seven year hiatus, The Unwed Mother Agenda is back on Facebook. Join us, misfits, unlikely optimists, and Geriatric Millennials!

I’ve been resisting diving back into everybody’s least favorite social network, but Elon’s platform now only shares threads from the menswear guy on sustainable cashmere (yes), and Instagram still won’t post links (why), and TikTok requires dancing (this is not off the table), SO HERE WE ARE.

What will you find on UMA’s revived Facebook page?

Only the best:

• news stories and essays on family court/single parenting/mom stuff

• UMA project updates

• calls to be part of whatever event/book club/tattoo party that’s in the works for our UMA/RPR communities

• videos on how balloons are made

• etc, etc, etc

I’m looking forward to friending you all in the Metaverse. In the meantime, here’s some light reading.

😆 Did you miss last week’s ROCK PAPER RADIO. I got you: We are what we eat: The stench of tween spirit, corn syrup cravings, old gays.

😡 Did you know that Family Court is separated from Criminal Court both in the U.S. and abroad? Yep. Here’s the horrible story of one British mom who intentionally got herself arrested so she could be tried in Criminal Court after Family Court granted custody of her daughter to her abusive ex. Spoiler: There is no win here. From the: Mother Instigates Own Arrest to Expose Family Court Injustice.

🤨 Did you know that there is only ONE state in the Home of the Free where a child has the legal right to have a voice in their custody? GEORGIA. Georgia is the only state in the U.S. that allows children 14 and over to choose which parent they would like to live with—or feel safest living with. (This choice still must be approved by a judge.) In all other states, custody arrangements, often created when kids are babies and based on limited reports from officials with no training in domestic violence, are binding until kids turn 18. A few states encourage judges to “consider” the perspectives of the young people at the center of Family Court battles. Here’s more from CustodyXChange: 1 in 4 states don't require judge to consider child's custody preference. ⬛

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Hi misfit fam,

Today’s issue of The Unwed Mother Agenda is a blast from the past. Years ago, when I was still a middle school teacher and Teenager Leong was still Little Kid Leong, I had a blog. It was called…wait for it…The Unwed Mother Agenda.

Today’s post is a 2014 entry from that blog.

When I first started the original UMA, I was very single, very unwed. And I loved that blog. It was a period of my life when my time was spent nearly exclusively with a first grader, tween students, and family court officials.

Because of my limited circle, that blog felt like a lifeline to adults who cared about me and my kid. It was also a lifeline to the larger world outside of my basement apartment, my classroom, and courtrooms.

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I decided to take down the original UMA after this essay shined a spotlight on it throughout my school community. I’m grateful not only to be breathing life back into The Agenda today, but also to still have that original record of that liminal time.

The entry below was written after my first day back teaching following multiple long days in court fighting for protections for my son. There had been a small legal win—one that wouldn’t last, but would give me and my baby a bit of safety for the moment, some hope.

Originally published on The Unwed Mother Agenda blog, October 1, 2014:

Clapping & Crying

I’ve missed a couple days of school while I played battle mom.

I was so distracted and under-caffeinated when I returned to work today. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want my son to be at school either. I just wanted both of us home watching Netflix and eating cookies in bed, me unsuccessfully trying to get out of another game of chess, him trying to not to get annoyed when he has to remind me again that the King can only move one space at a time. The Queen, he keeps trying to drill into me, is the one who can go as far as she wants. The Queen, mom, the Queen. As long as there’s a path. As far as she wants. Check. 

But then my first class of students started filing in, peaking around the corner as they entered to see if there was a sub again.

Of course, they were just as on point as I had left them—no having to “reset expectations” after two sub days in a row with this class—all of them shuffling in expectantly, then opening their comp notebooks, then reading the board and taking our their notes as posted in my directions.

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As usual per our routine, it’s about five minutes into class before I address them. Welcome to Humanities, like I always say, feeling like such a teacher, even though I’ve been doing this exact same intro song and dance for the last three years at this school. I love our quiet hellos every time.

And then what did they do? Those little 6th graders with their notes out all sitting in rows?? They started to clap. Softly at first. But then it grew into full blown applause. Welcome back, Ms. Leong!

And right there in the middle of my classroom after the last month in my lawyer’s office, in court all day yesterday until I was so hungry and drained that I at one point I couldn’t tell if what was about to explode out of me was going to be laugher or tears or full blown uncensored nothing. Yes, after all that yesterday, and then this today—a classroom full of eleven-year-olds clapping for their teacher’s return, waiting to start our lesson. 

And I had to hold my breath and take it in for a second because I thought I could fall down weeping right there in the glare of my Smartboard, a black Expo pen gripped so tightly in one hand because, dear God, I just needed something to hold onto for a sec while I felt all of this.

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These kids, not asking where I’d been, just clapping and smiling at me, my son secure in his own classroom down the street, that signed Commissioner’s order like a little security blanket scanned and emailed out to all the people who help build the flimsy yet crucial little fort around us. Yes, all of this, nearly knocking me over with what felt just for a moment like love.

Take some notes with me now, we’re going to talk about the Hero’s Journey today…

And this is my life right now. It’s a good life. Filled with so many weird and wonderful kids. My own child safe with me full-time now for over a year and that feels exactly how things should be.

But it’s tiring. And expensive. And I feel like crying all the time, just walking down the halls of the school or our apartment, just crying a little inside pretty much constantly.

Not because I’m sad.

Just because finally I can see the path and I’m moving, more than just one space at a time, thinking so many moves ahead of myself, moving forward with little protections and distractions all around me and my boy, and it’s mostly good, mostly possible, and there is so much love and support at last, and it’s like finally finally finally I can let some of this out. ⬛

📱 Did you miss last week’s UMA post? Here it is: Violence beyond the body: How coercive control laws are redefining domestic abuse

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Incomplete legal definitions of domestic violence are putting mothers and children in danger across America; but change is on the horizon, one coercive control bill at a time.

Domestic violence is simple, according to most U.S. Family Courts: The physical body is the only site of violence that matters when determining if a person has the right to legal protections from their abuser.

In South Dakota, for example, domestic abuse means simply actions that cause bodily injury, attempts to cause bodily injury, or inflicting fear of causing bodily injury. 

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The problem is, domestic violence isn’t always physical, and when it is, physical harm is almost always accompanied by other kinds of abuse. Emotional, psychological, and financial abuse are all types of abuse that are often present in cases of domestic violence, all of which may not involve any physical assault.

Reductive legal definitions of domestic violence that focus only bodily harm are especially dangerous when it comes to Family Court cases.

When abuse victims cannot meet the threshold for “domestic violence” because of a requirement to provide proof of physical assault (or threat thereof), survivor parents and children are excluded from essential protections.

For example, in Washington State, mandatory arrest laws obligate police officers to arrest the “primary aggressor” in response to 911 calls in cases where domestic violence has been officially designated. Warrants are not required for these arrests, and officers need only probable cause to believe that a domestic violence offense occurred within the previous four hours. These arrests can be life-saving for caregivers* and children who are in danger.

Currently in Washington, domestic violence is defined by a list of 23 crimes, ranging from assault to malicious mischief. Compared to most other states, the Evergreen State has one of the broader definitions of domestic violence, and legislation expanding that definition further is pending.

Led by the state of Hawaii, legal definitions of domestic violence are expanding as advocates turn their focus towards coercive control.

Washington is not the only state grappling with semantics as courts begin to acknowledge what abuse survivors have always known: The body might keep the score, but that’s not necessarily where trauma begins or ends.

In September 2020, Hawaii became the first state to sign into law HB 2425, a bill that specifically includes coercive control under the larger framework of domestic violence. According to Hawaii law:

“‘Coercive control’ includes a pattern of behavior that seeks to take away the individual's liberty or freedom and strip away the individual's sense of self, including bodily integrity and human rights, whereby the "coercive control" is designed to make an individual dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence, and regulating their everyday behavior[.]”

The law specifies the following behaviors as coercive control:

     (1)  Isolating the individual from friends and family

     (2)  Controlling how much money is accessible to the individual and how it is spent

     (3)  Monitoring the individual's activities, communications, and movements

     (4)  Name-calling, degradation, and demeaning the individual frequently

     (5)  Threatening to harm or kill the individual or a child or relative of the individual

     (6)  Threatening to publish information or make reports to the police or the authorities

     (7)  Damaging property or household goods

     (8)  Forcing the individual to take part in criminal activity or child abuse

Just weeks after Hawaii signed this bill into law, California followed suit by expanding their legal definition of domestic violence with the approval of SB 1141. This law defines coercive control as “a pattern of behavior that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty.” 

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Less than a year later, in June 2021, Connecticut passed SB 1091, which reflects similar language around free will and liberty as California’s bill.  This Connecticut bill is known as Jennifer’s Law, named for two women—Jennifer Dulos and Jennifer Magnano, both of whom sought sole custody of their children in Family Court before they were killed by their ex-husbands. Magnano’s children, now adults, were active advocates for the passing of Jennifer’s Law.

Coercive control laws are finding support across the political spectrum.

Today, in addition to Washington, four other states also have pending legislation that expands the definition of domestic violence to include coercive control: Florida, New York, Maryland, and South Carolina. 

While all three states that have already passed coercive control bills—Hawaii, California, and Connecticut—have voted Blue in at least the last eight presidential elections, the states with pending legislation are not as monochromatic.

In contrast to Washington, New York, and Maryland—states that have all also been voting for Democrats for president since at least Bill Clinton’s run in 1992—South Carolina’s voting record has remained consistently Red. The Republican candidate has come out on top in South Carolina for the past eleven elections—since Regan’s 1980 win.

Florida, a Red or Purple state depending on who you ask, is more complicated. While a majority of Florida voters cast their ballots for Trump in the last two elections, they voted for Obama in the previous two.

What does this all mean for Family Courts? For one, it indicates that support for abuse survivors is bipartisan. That means hope for the determined advocates who are fighting for change. In these early days of codifying a more comprehensive definition of domestic violence, support from both sides of the aisle will be critical.

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If you’re interested in following along as courts redefine domestic violence, Americas Conference to End Coercive Control shares a “Coercive Control Bill Tracker” on their website. This international resource is designed to aid in understanding of the importance and history of each coercive control bill as it is passed.

And if you’re a coercive control survivor who has been failed by Family Court and would like to share your story, The Family Court Report is listening. Subscribers can leave a comment below or hit reply on this email newsletter to send me glimpse into what you’ve come through. You can also email rockpaperradio@substack.com. ⬛

*The majority of people who experience domestic violence are women. A 2001 study by the U.S. Department of Justice found that of nearly 700,000 nonfatal violent crimes committed in 2001 by intimate partners, 85% involved female victims. According to a 2022 report by the World Health Organization, most intimate partner violence perpetrators around the world are men.

🔥 Did you miss last week’s post? Here it is: Forcing children into fire: In Family Court, sharing custody with abusers wins

Everyone deserves to be safe. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, you can find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Family Court has a domestic violence problem.

Despite police reports, heath care provider records, official arbitrator recommendations, photographs, videos, and declarations from friends, family members, and coworkers all documenting my son’s father’s history of violence, law-breaking, and alcohol dependence; for over a decade I have been court-ordered to hand over my child for visitation. “Residential time” with his biological father started before my son could talk.

My Family Court battles have been centered in Seattle. We’re a Blue city of book nerds with in this house we believe signs in our windows, but in my experience of our domestic justice system, King County courts lean conservative—judges err on the side of split parenting rights and residential time even when one parent is abusive.

Seattle’s not an outlier.

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Apparently courts in Wisconsin are similarly enthusiastic about connecting and reuniting children with dangerous caregivers. According to ProPublica reporter Megan O’Matz:

“Wisconsin is considered a leader in the movement to treat fathers as equal caregivers, and its percentage of cases with shared custody is among the highest in the nation. But that model, while based on altruistic goals, still has not adjusted to the realities of domestic violence.”

In O’Matz’s staggering report on Wisconsin’s failure to protect mothers and children, He Beat Her Repeatedly. Family Court Tried to Give Him Joint Custody of Their Children, a horrifying picture of the state’s broken justice system is drawn around one mom’s harrowing fight to protect her son.

🚨 Trigger warning: This article includes graphic descriptions of abuse.

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What’s happening in Wisconsin is happening across the United States and the crisis is clear: Our Family Courts are dangerously uninformed about domestic violence.

Exacerbating this problem is that courts aren’t listening to the people who understand domestic violence most intimately. Testimonies of parents who are abuse survivors—by far mostly mothers—are routinely dismissed in favor of thin reports from court officials who have limited or no training on domestic violence.

The result? Continued abuse of both parents and children is enabled through shared custody agreements that require not only residential time with abusive parents for kids, but also regular contact between survivor parents and their abusers for
exchanges.

In one horrible tragedy O’Matz cites from 2018, a woman was shot and killed by her children’s father as she dropped them off for a court-ordered exchange after her no-contact plea was rejected.

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Despite the bleak picture O’Matz’s thorough report paints, it’s not without hope. In a twist I wasn’t expecting, the mother at the center of the story finds an unlikely ally: her abusive husband’s first wife. Their story of mutual support through parallel custody battles against the man who terrorized both of them is a rally call for women supporting women, and a powerful reminder that if you’re being hurt, you don’t have to fight back alone. ⬛

Everyone deserves safety. Find free and confidential help and resources through The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Did you miss last week’s inaugural issue of The Unwed Mother Agenda in ? Here's a link and a glimpse into the story that bought me here: Single motherhood is like drowning and being on fire

I loved teaching and my students, but three years after the publication of this essay, I left that school and pivoted careers.

This essay was first published by Mutha Magazine, May 7, 2014. This version has been updated.

When my friend tells me she’s thinking about having a baby on her own my mind flashes immediately to that January morning in 2011 when, just as I settled my eighth graders into a rare calm, my son’s father burst into my classroom with a video camera, sloppy drunk, slurring demands about my son’s whereabouts. It was my first year teaching. My son was two. Single parenting, I wanted to tell her, is filled with so many unexpected adventures, so many of them horrible. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.

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I had no idea. I was a nightclub bartender and first gen college grad still trying to figure out what to do with the liberal arts degree I earned on scholarships when I found out I was pregnant. I also had no idea about my co-worker turned supposed co-parent either. Although I had poured drinks with him behind a bar for years, I never could have imagined what lurked inside of him that would rear its violent, drunken head even before getting through those forty weeks of pregnancy.

I knew from the start that I would be a single mom and I thought it would be hard, but I had done hard things before. If I had known how hideous and consuming everything would become before it got better, maybe I would have made different choices. Maybe not. I was twenty-six. I thought I could imagine worst case scenarios. I was wrong.

The years-long warpath to the minimal legal protections supposedly keeping my son safe from his biological father has raised the eyebrows of even the most stoic judges and Family Court officials.

After breaking into my class wasted, the judge told him, Don’t ever do that again. And then nothing.

After my son was returned to me following a court-ordered visitation branded all over his little body with the word SEXY in black ink from a nightclub entry stamp, the judge said, That’s totally inappropriate. And then nothing.

When my toddler son was left on my doorstep with a grossly swollen and bloody mouth, his arms and legs bloody too, crying, wearing no shoes or shirt while his biological father drove away and then didn’t answer calls from me or the emergency doctors for three days, the judge said he couldn’t determine if the injuries were caused by abuse or neglect. I’m sorry, that judge explained, neglect is not illegal in this state. I held my breath and ground my teeth together, but the tears flooded out anyway.

I stood there in my mom dress and flats, more shocked than angry, unable to turn around and walk out of the courtroom because I was sobbing. Look at the pictures again. LOOK. He’s just a baby. Please, please, please. But nothing.

The stories go on and on.

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Finally, those stories are starting to feel like a long time ago. There are now so many things to be grateful for. My son just turned six. Despite everything, he is happy and kind and light. There must be so much luck involved. And grit. At last life doesn’t just feel like survival.

Legally things are turning around too, slowly, one clause in the “Parenting Plan” at a time. A Family Court evaluator here. An arbitrator there. Gradually, the people with power to help me and my son are starting to see what I’ve known all along—fighting for visitation isn’t always about love for the child. Domestic violence and alcoholism can lie with charm and persistence that look uncannily like commitment.

Being a mom doesn’t feel like rolling a pile of laundry up the endless mountain of my poor decisions anymore either. I remember lying in bed with my sleeping son as a toddler, holding on to him like a life raft. What are we going to do. Someone just tell me what to do. I can’t do this anymore.

That was back when there was never enough of anything—money, food, work, childcare, time, compassion. And there was teething and toilet training. I had to find a preschool. He’s outgrown his shoes already. And grad school! And then he’s tantruming in Target over a box of tampons I took away from him and he’s screaming with his entire little self that’s been passed around, neglected, left on doorsteps, stamped, all of it, and it’s all pouring out out with so much pain and desperation that I just let him wail right there in the middle of the aisle while I dared anyone in earshot to say something just so I could scream back, HE GETS TO LET THIS OUT, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’VE BEEN THROUGH.

I have begun to sweat as I write about that tantrum. My chest feels like it’s closing up. I breathe in and out and think about his recent birthday morning.

It’s a Tuesday, a school day for both of us. I woke him up early to give him his presents wrapped shoddily in pages from a magazine. Two presents. A shark tooth fossil and a stuffed dog. An exact replica of the stuffed dog that my grandmother gave him when he was barely walking. Pancake.

This dog—its previously white belly is grey even fresh out of a hot wash, its eyes are scratched off, its fur is matted into gross little spikes—has survived so many moves, so many other fleeting comforts in and out of our lives. My son loves him with an animal ferocity.

I have worried before that he should have outgrown Pancake by now, that this stuffed animal has become some kind crutch that will make him into a weird grownup one day. Finally, I accept Pancake for what he is: just love and comfort. Totally unconditional, uncomplicated, reliable. And my son deserves that. Everything in our life is moving under us all the time. For the better. But still. So another Pancake. A backup, not a replacement. In our family we are loyal to the core.

After he opened his presents he didn’t say anything but he moved over to sit on my lap and I held onto him hard, six-something in the morning on a Tuesday, totally awake for this moment even as it passed.

He’s becoming so cool these days. He tries out sarcasm when he’s feeling gutsy. He wrestles me hello, and doesn’t want to hold my hand across the street anymore. He has clear opinions on sneakers. He’s quick to tell me his Lego guys have “lasers” when I tell him there’s no guns allowed. He tells me he has a girlfriend. I’ll take all the soft quiet moments that are left.

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The other night he woke up and crawled into bed with me. Instead of walking him back to his room as usual, I let him stay. As he fell back asleep he reached under the pillow to hold my hand and we stayed like that for a long time. I could feel my heart glowing and swelling outside of my body. All of the clichés about parenting are true.

I think about my friend. She is kind and witty and beautiful and quick. She goes on meditation retreats with nuns on the weekend, when she is not scaring away online dates by getting into her sustainability politics too soon. She’s a teacher, too. She would be such a wonderful mom. I remind myself that she is not a lost twenty-something nightclub bartender having a baby with a sociopath. I want to tell her to do it.

I want to tell her what it’s like to learn about unconditional love through the shock of experiencing it for the first time.

I want to tell her about the unbridled joy of cheering on your child’s first shit in the toilet.

I want to tell her about being vomited on in the early hours of the morning and thinking only, dear God, just put all of this child’s sick into me, please, help him, take away everything that hurts him.

I want to tell her about what it feels like to cry, finally, after so long without crying, kneeling in front of the bed in the middle of helping him with his shoes because I really couldn’t take it anymore and then to have him—four-years-old—bring me a little stuffed elephant while he took Pancake and sucked his thumb next to me until I got it all out.

I want to tell her about what it’s like to finally get myself together because another human being utterly depends on me and there is nobody else—no backup, no breaks, no childcare—that doesn’t come with some kind of strings.

Single parenthood is like drowning and being on fire at the same time while everyone goes on and on about how beautiful the spectacle is—how strong you are, what brave work you’re doing, how they could never do something so incredible. And meanwhile you’re on fire, you’re drowning, and you can’t hear them at all. You just keeping thinking I’M DYING I’M DYING I’M DYING.

But then you don’t die. And your child gets older; starts making it easier on you. They learn to dress themselves. They can feed the dog. They can tell you if your yoga pants are see-through when you bend over. The threat of tantrums no longer looms over every trip to the store. And then sometime around kindergarten their jokes actually start to get funny. Their help around the house starts to actually be helpful. They start to feel like your sidekick and you start to feel like a superhero. You survived all that drowning and fire after all.

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Yes, I want to tell her to do it and that I’ll help with whatever she needs—she doesn’t know yet how much need there will be. It’s impossible to imagine the village that children require and then to imagine having an actual child and realizing that that village is just rhetorical fantasy. What are you supposed to do then?

Keep raising that baby. Cry it out whenever you need to—in Target, wherever. Tell your story. As the waters rise and the fire rages on, just tell the story while it’s happening, scream it out like a tantrum. It feels good. And then it starts to feel good more and more, and one day you wake up and you realize that you’ve survived the babyhood and the toddlerhood, and your child is a person and he is good. And you did that. You get all the credit, you do, even with luck and grit in there too. It’s all you and now there is more love in your life than you ever thought you deserved and you are good too because of all of it.

Yes, I want to tell her. Do it. Have that baby on your own. It will be horrible and beautiful and the days will be long but the years will fly by and sooner than later you’ll look into the face of the human you raised on your own and think, yes, we did it. And you might not choose to do it all over again but no, definitely not, you wouldn’t change a thing. ⬛

Are you also a parent who has also stood in front of a Family Court judge swallowing rage and grief so profound you thought you might projectile vomit right there in your sensible heels and knee-length skirt? Are you a Family Court judge or attorney trying to right the system from within? The Unwed Mother Agenda is listening. Reach out. Email rockpaperradio@substack.com, or if you’re a subscriber, just hit reply to this newsletter and give me a glance (maybe 100 words—less is more) into what you’ve come through. I read and appreciate all of your messages, and although it sometimes takes me a bit, I try to respond to everyone.

Did you miss last week’s ROCK PAPER RADIO newsletter announcing The Unwed Mother Agenda? I’ve got you. Here it is: Sweet returns.